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How Facebook complicates breakups
Sometimes a relationship comes in for a soft landing: a gentle parting of ways after a more or less mutual decision that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. But there are breakups that are...
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7 steps for fighting loneliness
Feeling lonely is one of life’s more unpleasant experiences. Like most other mammals, we find being part of a pair or a pack a way that our bodies and emotions regulate themselves. When we don’t have...
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Things to think about before starting couples therapy
The scenario: Your relationship has been struggling for a while now. Maybe arguments have become more frequent, or intimacy has become less so. You’ve thought about getting help more than once, but...
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Men and depression
A recent study suggests that gender roles mean we are less likely to recognize depressed behavior in men. Subjects were presented with stories describing individuals with symptoms of depression; they...
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Making resolutions work for you in 3 steps
New Year’s resolutions: we make ‘em and we break ‘em. The start of the new year is a natural time to reflect and take stock of how things are going in life. It is also a time to make glib decisions...
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A mindful approach to depression
Depression is a miserable experience for many reasons. It robs us of perspective, particularly the perspective that things will change and we won’t always feel as we are now feeling. And for many...
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Does that soft drink put you at risk for depression?
A study of more than 260,000 people over age 50 found that people who drink lots of soft drinks on a daily basis significantly increase their risk of developing depression. The study is to be presented...
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Make your relationship better this year
Want a resolution suggestion? Make this the year you rout relationship neglect. It is surprisingly easy to forget that a successful love life requires paying attention. The very routine-ness of them...
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Are we responsible for other people’s feelings?
A reader recently emailed me: I’ve been reading about emotional incest and emotional unavailability. It seems psychotherapists often remind us that we are not responsible for “other people’s...
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Should therapists play cupid?
Psychotherapists sometimes have fantasies of finding just the right match for clients — particularly clients they like, I suspect. An article in the New York Times does a pretty good job of sharing...
View ArticleDating without Hating It
Dating often wears people out. Technology has made hooking-up a very efficient proposition. By contrast, technology has commercialized the search for a date without necessarily making it easier to...
View ArticleMake an argument worse in two words
When a couple approaches me for relationship counseling, nine times out of ten they mention trouble communicating as a source of distress between them. We easily fall into traps that allow...
View ArticleLoneliness and connection
We’re more connected than ever — technology, social media, etc. so why do many of us feel lonelier, too? This video offers an explanation that makes a lot of sense. what do you think? The Innovation...
View ArticleThe Tyranny of Buffness
Gay men face considerable pressure to conform to an impossible standard of physical flawlessness. This pressure causes much anxiety and reduced self-esteem. A recent article in The Atlantic called...
View ArticleStop Your Inner Critic!
I often tell clients that all of us hear voices – not just one, but a veritable committee meeting going on inside our heads. A prominent voice at the conference table is often given to our inner...
View ArticleAddictive relationships
Your lights are on, but you’re not home Your mind is not your own Your heart sweats, your body shakes Another kiss is what it takes Addicted to Love – Robert Palmer Healthy relationships require...
View ArticleMixed HIV status relationships
Manuel (not his real name) is healthy and happy and living well with HIV. When he found out he was positive several years ago, he decided it would keep things simple if he only dated other poz guys....
View ArticleMixed HIV status relationships: the interview
I was recently interviewed by Brian Rzepczynski, MSW – The Gay Love Coach – on the topic “Magnetic Relationships: When Positive and Negative Meet & Mate.” You can listen by clicking here....
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Step Away from the Phone!
My clients often come in, sit down and put their cell phone on the couch right next to them. It didn’t used to be this way; just a few years ago it was unusual to bring a phone into the counseling...
View ArticleDealing with overwhelm
Most of us experience it from time to time: the sense that our level of stress has exceeded our capacity for coping. People vary in their capacities to deal with stress, of course. Some people are...
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